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— David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King  (via prettypeachpeonies)

(Source: nequiquam, via basicaquatics)

I have to admit that I wasn’t the best pre-teen to teen girl growing up. I was easily influenced by pop media, and my peers. Yeah, I went through a chola phase, and a skyline blood phase, but I was a young product of my environment coming from old SV, home to the Spring Valley Locos and the Murda Killaz and what not. I’m an Asian who didn’t grow up with other Asians in white suburbia, or heck Asian suburbia either, so I went a little sour. But, you know what? I grew up after high school. I had an epiphany to change my ways. I realized how cheap, trashy and useless that lifestyle was. I never really moved far from the hood, but my mind has grown out of it.

I put away that hoodrat attitude, and I put more thought into positivity, and things of respect. It takes a lot of self criticism and self realization for something like this to happen. But, I think it’s a lot easier when you don’t have daddy issues.

I respect my dad, and I have two younger brothers who I respect, and then my only grandparent I respect him too. These men, are the reason why I choose to not look like a cheap slut with low cut shirts, and a push up bra, and skimpy tight-ass skirts. It’s disgusting for them to see, and it’s disgusting for me to wear in front of them. I feel like if it’s something you are going to go wear “in the closet” from your family, who you respect, then maybe it’s not respectful to wear? I didn’t learn that “shake what your momma gave you” bull shit saying as an excuse to re-teach degrading, slutty ways to the youth. I was taught when in doubt between choosing dressy or casual, choose classy. It took me awhile to follow it, but I did.

Adding, it just runs in my family for the guys to pick beautiful, strong, well educated, classy women. Anyway, I’m saying I changed. People who knew me back then, probably thought I would have never changed. People I know now who haven’t changed since then… it’s such a pity. If you’re in your twenties and you haven’t gotten the memo. Well here it is.

If your wondering why I’m just talking surface level physical stuff… well it’s probably because the deeper stuff will manifest later in my posts.

Hey, all of you followers! Thanks for sticking around even though I stopped posting about coffee, pups, and surfing. I might start back up again, don’t be too vexed.

To think, most of everyone’s “self” confidence is actually just the ego that comes from their friends and family. You are how your friends and family make you feel. That’s why high school kids thinks they’re so cool, they live in this egotistical bubble that’s fed and bred by a make believe high school world and high school/ teenage standards. Your teachers say you have potential, your club makes you feel accepted and apart of something, your friends talk and think like you, so there’s no opposition, and your parents want you to strive. Then, you get to college and it’s pretty much the same, then you move out and if you are still in a familiar city, within a safe comfort zone, well then… you still live in that bubble-wrapped world feeding your ego. True self confidence comes from thrusting yourself into the world and experiencing places that you have never been to, where you have no friends and family. Staying there for at least a year and making it on your own without having to always retreat back to the arms of your friends and family. Studying abroad kind of counts, but you are still mostly surrounded by a school system and an academic based environment. I suggest to just move, alone, or with one friend [or signif. other], and test your self confidence, and grow. Start preparing, decide on a place where you want to grow and learn, and maybe keep moving for bigger growth and substantial learning.

I can’t wait to do this. Be brave, leggo of your ego.

— My grandpa
Igmedio Ignacio Iglesia

I don’t understand when a home girl picks spending all of her time with her boyfriend over her friends. Especially in the ripe twenty-somethings. Eeeeeespecially when their boyfriend is a big liar, or is abusive [physically or mentally]. Especially if it is just a boyfriend and school. Now, I have 3 jobs, a boyfriend and school, but I would never neglect my valuable time with my friends over my boyfriend, with good reason. I can never fail to be disappointed at the neediness, and over dependence girls have with their man.You text or call a girlfriend and she answers on her own time… up to days later. I’ve lost decade-friends to their boyfriends. 7-10 years of friendship and BAM, it’s gone as soon as they get the d!ck [sorry to be crude].

You text a male friend and he’s down. This is why guys make better friends, no flaking, no competition like ways, and always down. It’s called loyalty and true friendship.

— Winona Ryder in Night On Earth (1991)

Alright, this past semester is the first time that I have needed to wear my glasses adamantly. I guess all my years in school have really messed up my eyes from all the hard core reading and what-not. Yep, I’m a serious college student.

With that being said, this is the first time in my life that I have been getting called the “G” word, nope… not gangsta… but GEEK. People haven’t been saying it in a funny, kidding way? But, really calling me a geek.

This is really funny too me. l guess now I know what it’s like to have people racially stereo type you, be prejudice to you for having brown skin, and [now officially] know what it is like to be called a geek, all thanks to my favorite pair of glasses.

What I really want people to know is BITCH I GREW UP IN THE HOOD, I come from a place where the gangs ruled the cities politics, where growing up you couldn’t make friends unless your proved that you were down to do crazy shit, or you had a rep for whooping peoples asses [that’s how I made all of mine], where little kids created knives out of broken glass and popsicle sticks, and girls usually didn’t graduate from middle school or freshman year high school without getting pregnant, where secret pit bull fights, and rooster fights took place, where fighting doesn’t have any wimpy hair pulling or slapping [we use blades, fists and slam your head into things],where men and women fought each other for fun, and you’re nearest drug dealer was the 13 year old kid next door, and you smoked and drank with your best friends parents, where guns and knives are a thing of everyday and people aren’t really afraid to hear bullet shots, and see people get cut up, so they still let their young children play in the streets until 12am [passed California curfew laws].

Just because I live in a fancy gated community now, drive a Lexus, go to a university, have composure, am educated, wear glasses, refrain from cursing, know how to speak to videogamers, dress girly, have a hello-giggles sounding laugh, and am a 5’3’ asian girl. Please, don’t confuse that with me having the strength of Zooey Deschannel [no offense Zooey]. I can still take down a 6 foot tall man, in the most creative-deadly sort of ways. So, now, when you say the word GEEK and mean it… watch who you say it to.

Truly,

Jane

I’m glad that I will be finishing college with a Masters, a Minor, and my TESL, and all my previous years of doing half of 3 other majors [so much helpful knowledge], and having had a mangers job, and doing 2 very relevant internships. So, hopefully all this experience will come in handy for something. I plan on trying to make music again, or do something creative and artsy with performance art, and explore more languages… It all seams so surreal, but with motivation it all seams possible. I guess, I’m not too worried because my goal in life isn’t to be rich, haha it’s far from that. I just want to experience the world, and its cultures. I’m not a Linguist, I’m not an Anthropologist, nor am I an English teacher or a Nutritionist, or a Business Woman. My career is Exploring, I’m an Explorer.

P.s.

It also helps that with a college degree you get paid 30% higher in salary, and it also helps to know that my basic retail job right now has higher pay than the average American nurse [sad really], but need not to worry for our lovely nurses because they make their dough on crazy copious amounts of hours [mad respect there].

— Ghandi

Anonymous: i think you are one of the sweetest people i have ever met, one of the most beautiful women i have ever met. if you didn't have a boyfriend, i would send you flowers every day & treat you like a queen, but since i respect relationships, i'll just be your secret admirer.

I’m flattered to have been noticed by you and I’m grateful that you are a respectable person. Thank you whoever you are!! 

Each one is bursting

Feels like lost memories

As each one vanishes

A drop appears

nursing my soul

impaired and distressed

until they end.